Feel the creative fear: 20 years of imposter syndrome and self doubt
Saying hello to the negativity and carrying on regardless.
It may come as a surprise to you, that in over 20 years of experience in the creative industry, I have never really been able to shake that dreaded, self doubt demon. He hangs around most days and has never truly left my side, even as a seasoned vet of design, illustration & animation.
It can be crippling, yes, but also a familiar feeling which drives you to do your best. In any case, I don’t let it stop me from doing what I love, despite feeling very overwhelmed every time I start a new brief.
Hello darkness my old friend
Like with most things you fear in life, I believe you should face it head on. It doesn’t have to be violent or aggressive, a simple “hello” will do. That said, if you find yourself getting frustrated, it’s time to take a break and get away from whatever you’re working on and get back to being yourself before starting again.
To say hello to your demon, is to welcome it and to except you as you are. By this I mean, that even though this little devil may seem big and scary it is a part of you. Like that or not, it’s a fact. It’s the manifestation of how you think and feel. So welcome it I say. Indeed, I have learnt that it is part of who I am and how I tick in life, and as a creative freelancer.
I have been on a mental health journey for the past 15 years and understanding myself and self acceptance is paramount for a peaceful life. The same is with a trying to keep a serene journey through my daily creative endeavours. The creative journey comes in waves anyway, good and bad, calm and turbulent. The trick is to accept it for what it is and surf whatever swell is thrown your way.
What’s this fear telling me (and you)?
As I have touched upon earlier, I can get overwhelmed with fear when I get a new brief. Even if it’s for a client I have been collaborating with for years. I have come to the realisation, that this is because I really care about what I do. I care about the ideas I want to come up, my reputation as a creative and ultimately doing a good job. My freelance business is how I earn a living AND support my nearest and dearest, plus I want to keep doing this vocation for as long as I can. I’ve always had pride in my work, even when working in factories and cafe’s in my youth. I never want to be the best in my field, but always strive to be good. It is this pursuit that fear can loom and take hold.
But I say “hello” again, and try to remember I’m seeing this demon because I truly care. Understanding this has been quite liberating and something I like to keep in mind. That said it’s hard to at times when you’re drowning. But I’m pleased to say this doesn’t happen too often, providing I’m organised.
Self-belief in face of self-doubt
When all is said and done, I do believe in myself and what I do as a creative professional. I like to say often that I am a, Jack of all trades, master of some. I know that I am confident and proficient many creative disciplines… for the most part anyway, but there’s always something new to learn.
Still, remembering that I care and remembering my skillset (AND how long I have been doing this job) is something I need to learn to hold on to more. This will help no end with the self-doubt and thinking that I am no good.
Furthermore, I am only human and flawed like the best of us. Life is a journey and creative exploration is too. Good days, bad days, it comes with the territory. I just have to keep remembering the above and try to keep on top of the fear.
Thanks for reading. Pete :)