Saying hello and goodbye
Getting through with illustration, writing and therapy
This week I said hello and goodbye to some things. The truth is, despite my previous writings about life changing happenings and trying to put a positive spin on things, I haven’t really been ok in myself. They say that, don't they? How is he in himself? In short, you can’t always manifest your way out of a mental health funk. I’m very guilty of bottling things up and then wondering why I explode when the dust settles. Ignoring my mental health with a smile and prayer is never the way to go. Sometimes I feel I have learned nothing on my mental health journey. I preach the good word of asking for help, but don’t always say the same to myself.
Illustration & Writing
I always feel that writing and illustration helps, and it does to some degree. But it’s not the absolute solution. Like the antidepressant and antipsychotic medication I take, they will only ever soften the edges. These past few months have proved that I can’t illustrate and write myself out of the shadows.
They are cathartic pursuits though and really do help me express my inner workings and help me make sense of me. Illustration has particularly been a great vessel for me to do this. I do love writing though and for the most part they are just blog posts. I do write poems sometimes like the one below the other day.
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Mirror Mirror
I saw myself today and didn’t like what the mirror had to say
I preach about not being a dick, but still I can be a prick
I say I’m all about the love, but I don’t know how to express it enough
I talk about empathy, but often I lack sympathy
I think I prefer to be honest and just say, but what I really do is push people away
I promote inner health, but don’t always turn up for myself
Saying Hello & Goodbye
This week I said hello to therapy. I need help and I just can’t do this on my own. I have a very small but invaluable support circle but need something external beyond this. I’ve literally only had the triage session, but talking about the universe, life and everything was a lot like coming up for air. I’m very much looking forward to going again at the end of this month. I’m by no means out of the shadowy waters. I’ll never be cured for that matter. I’m locked-in with my condition but it doesn’t mean I can’t make it easier for myself. In making life easier, I am saying goodbye with a firm boot up the arse to old ways of processing my thoughts and old lived lives. It will take time, but still I’m kicking.
I feel I need to respect the past, but I need to remember that I am not going that way. None of us are. It is part of the makeup of who we are, there’s no getting away from it. But I do really think I need to evolve and to not forget to check in with myself when life gets lifey and to seek help.
Don’t bottle and shelve things for another day folks. Your feelings aren’t a preserve to store for the winter. I’m evidence that doing this will pickle you… haha! If you’re not ok, say it loud and proud and always keep going with a little help along the way.
Thanks for reading. Pete :)
